Its humid… but it’s nice.

Life isnt perfect, but its good.

I am trying to embrace that thought process. That what I used to be was one thing, and now I am becoming something new.

I used to work tirelessly all day long, be it office or outside. I was an ox. Lifting heavy things, pulling heavy loads. I was PROUD of my ability to push past my limits.

My ankle started my slowdown, and it often feels like Universe didnt feel I was getting the message clear enough. So She turned up the volume.

Now I am…if you will forgive the term… a Spoonie.

I am not accustomed to being one. I have always respected the limits of those who do have limited energy due to injury or illness.

But I was never one. I couldnt stop. Even when She whispered to me to slow down.

Even when my heart was trying to rapid beat itself out of my chest from Graves Disease…

Even when I felt I had lost everything and was working overnights as well as trying to parent in the daytime…

Even when I ripped the tendons off of my ankle in a disagreement with a mountain stone…

I kept going.

Universe, God, Divine… whatever name you give to such things… grabbed me by the back of the neck and shook me violently. Knocked me out, and made me stay down.

*slow down * She whispered, more loudly, pressing Her hand on my chest until I cracked.

My frustration has been high. I feel so normal. So close to myself. But only for moments, and they quickly flit away. I do one task, and have to stop to rest, where before I would have done five. I have raged. I have sobbed. I have stood in confusion of what I should be doing next. But it changes nothing. She just hands me a spoon and smiles that secret smile.

Listening to my body has become the rule of my life. And perhaps that was Her lesson.

Slow down.

Watch the flowers grow.

Watch your kids grow.

Watch YOURSELF grow.

Slow down, She said.

I am trying to listen. And to embrace this new Spoon-ruled lifestyle for as long as it has to last.